BriarRose' Musings

Intelliwank Episode #2

2009-03-31T20:46:00.000-07:00

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Ellipses

2009-02-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

The shadow of your presence...

The echo of your laughter...

The memory of your smile...

Your lingering perfume...

And that white Bench cap

still on the corner of my bed where you left it.

The dream fades.

I wake up.

Lucid.

In solitary stasis.

IntelliWank Pilot Run

2009-02-06T21:39:00.000-08:00

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Random Thoughts

2009-01-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

"It's beautifully amazing how we are all so diferent yet, essentially similar."

"Temperance is a better virtue than honesty."

"There's no such thing as point of no return. There's only mispalced pride."

"Experience may be the best teacher but it's not always the most efficient."

"Nothing would ever feel difficult as long as there's enough love."

An Omega to the Alpha

2009-01-04T23:43:00.000-08:00

You would have thought that in this day and age of heightened human awareness and rationality, slaughter by the hundreds would be a thing forgotten. Today, as is I sip my morning tea, the CNN headline goes “507 killed in Gaza”. Yes, as of writing, 1.5 million people, whom I share this planet with, are being bombarded by rockets, missiles and other agents of death. Women, children, civilians lie wounded and dying - helpless.

Humanitarian aide blocked. International media barred. The world blindfolded and gagged.

A few months ago I was watching “Scream Bloody Murder”, a CNN Special by Amanpour. It speaks of how the entire world turned a blind eye and went about its business while genocide unfolded in several regions of the globe over. Horrific atrocities that will eternally haunt human history. Rwanda, Cambodia, Bosnia, Darfur…killing fields all of them.

The world paid no heed until the gutters were filled with rotting bodies and millions of children orphaned or decomposing mutilated corpses themselves. The world did not act until it was too late.

I must tell you, the pictures and the stories left a bitter taste in my mouth and a fervent prayer wishing that we would not live to witness such abominations again.

The year is 2009. And here we are, faced with the same horror. Plagued with the same dilemmas. Military versus political solutions. Peace talks versus terrorizing the terrorists. Cease fire versus blood shed. While the world continues to deliberate, so does the killing.

The question is, have we really learned from our past? Or, are we just succumbing to the same mistakes? If we are, will the killing ever end? The answer to my question frightens me.

Yes, we should not condone terrorists but are we to become one in the course of fighting them? Do we become the monsters we so vehemently despise?

And so, I close my eyes to search for answers within me…hoping that when I open them, an END to all these has been reached.

Doubt gnawing and I embrace the darkness.

Untitled

2008-12-22T07:06:00.001-08:00

I am no poet
For words fail me.
Long have I ceased to believe
In magic, passion or romance.
I am not a singer of songs
For music has deserted my soul.
I see no beauty in the birds and the bees
Nor the flowers in bloom they beseech.
I dare not indulge in happiness
For sorrow is bound to come;
A hyena waiting in silence,
Inescapable, unspeakable wrath.
I choose not to bask in love.
It is but a vestigial hypothalmic function.

-my alcohol-induced-alter-ego

The Geekology of Attraction

2008-12-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

The universe, as we know it now, will be different a minute into the future. New stars are born. A planet is defaced by asteroid showers. A proton particle disintegrates into a muon and a tau neutrino. Some of these changes are more humanly perceivable than others. Some have greater impact and some so minute no one really cares about its occurrence.

The adage, nothing is constant in this world except change, is scientifically backed up by the laws of the universe. Couples breaking up, babies being born and deaths by the millions are but byproducts of change. However, more important than change and what I believe to be the root cause of change – the force behind it all -- is attraction.

Attraction -- the primordial cosmic phenomena that ignited the universe into being; the self-shaping fire that continues to mold everything in existence. In this entropic day and age, with the ever present cosmological constant causing the accelerated expansion of the entire universe, it is amazingly beautiful how attraction prevails.

One might think, ask or wonder, what dictates attraction? The laws of Chemistry and Physics have covered much ground explaining that. Iron when in contact with oxygen becomes rust, which when unattended to could cause a variety of freak accidents, like a group of teenagers plunging into death’s claws because of a rusty bolt or knot on a roller coaster. That too, my dear reader, morbid as it is, is a result of the attractive force called gravity. A basketball player initiating the travel of a ball on projectile so carefully calculated and beats the buzzer as he scores and bags victory, is but another manifestation of attraction. Such a feat is usually followed by the crowd, rising on their feet, cheering and screaming joyously. How about two haploid cells fusing in a meiotic dance and consequently becoming a new entity. Again, attraction – on the move and on the go.

Attraction is a given.

Attraction is a must.

Unlike elements, gravity, spacetime and cells, however, attraction between humans is much more complex and, I must say, perplexing. Unlike, hydrogen and oxygen, men and women are plagued by socio-economic biases, moral and cultural schizophrenia and a barrage of hypocritical conformist ideologies. In the anthropic paradigm, then, the question is not attraction…it is, what to do about it.

Up The Ante (Life’s Too Short)

2008-12-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

The Human Destiny is a philosophical clincher that has always plagued anyone capable of astutely dissecting ones own miniscule existence. Some of us go through life without ever conceiving even a fraction of an answer – any answer. Is this Cowardice? Repression? Or Inexperience? Do you fear to face the answers you might come up with? Or have you come across one but chose to lock it up, let it sink at the bottom of the ocean of forgotten memories and consciously turned your back against it? Or perhaps, because you’ve lived life at the sidelines, watching time go by as a wallflower, refusing to leave the confines of the ascetic reality you so meticulously built?

I say dare – dare to offer an answer…jump the gun and fire away.

I am love perfecting.
I am anguish healing.

I am happiness becoming.
I am sorrow relinquishing.

I am rain befalling.
I am fire rekindling.

Sophie’s proverbial question, “Who Am I?” is a thought most of us have pondered on at some point in our lives. The discovery of the self is a feat one might never be able to fully achieve. There is a good news to this: ones state of being is ones call.

I say up the ante and pursue your dreams.
I say chase the stars and find what invokes being.
I say take the plunge and experience bliss.

Love. Lose.
Laugh. Cry.
Fail. Forgive.

Drink from the elixir of life for only then shall you discern your own calling; and perhaps truly understand why it is OUR destiny, You and I, to become Love in human form.

Mommy Diaries

2008-12-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

Aside from being a techie geek, SME, life coach, chef extraordinaire, and goddess-slash-muse, most importantly, I am Mother. I will be the first to tell you though that I am no expert at it. But this is not about me or my sloppy motherhood skills. This will feature bits and pieces of my interactions -- mostly blunders, funnies and candy-coated moments -- with my amazing daughter, Gwen.

Let me tell you something about this little lady that I so adore, and not just because I am her mother but because she really is an awesome person, friend and daughter. Gwen turned 7 this year but has a personality of a 13 year old. You would often see her reading a book, doing cross word puzzles or writing up songs for her mini productions held daily in our living room. For relaxing, she tunes in to Disney Channel or Nicolodeon, play online games, rides her bike or skates on ice at a nearby mall. She prefers Carbonara over Spaghetti (yep, no red sauce for the little miss); lemon iced tea over orange juice; fish ham over hotdogs or chicken nuggets and when she does eat real ham, the fat should be trimmed off. She would ask for another glass of water to drink with her medicine and vitamins. As for her, it is unacceptable to use the one for her meal. She would pick Sharpay’s flamboyant fashion statement at any day and thinks of Gabriella’s as uninteresting and boring. Her biggest dilemma is on whether she should become a doctor or a pop star like Hannah Montana, who she admires (This really sounds uncomfortably familiar – went through the same confusion between a lawyer or a theater actress. I am neither of the two as of the moment). She has a knack for humor and is a self-proclaimed drama-queen. She even ditched her crush after finding out that he’s a cry-baby, saying that cry-babies and drama-queens don’t make a good match (wonder where she got that idea!).

I can go on all day long about my little bundle of joy but again, that was just a backgrounder. So, here’s the first bit of Mommy Diaries:

Mommy Diaries # 1

Coming home from school, Gwen planted a big kiss on my cheeks. Her own was flushed from the afternoon heat. After a big gulp of her lemon iced tea, she sprightly exclaimed, “You know what, Ma, I told my teacher earlier that he was wrong.” The perplexed mom, remembering my own similar smart-aleck moments as a student, couldn’t help but be curious and asked why. Exuding with confidence she further explained, “Well, Ma, my teacher said that Jesus is the son of Mary and God.” “Well there’s nothing wrong in that.” I responded in agreement to the teacher. With a wrinkled forehead she reasoned, “Yeah, but why does it say, Holy Mary mother of God?! That’s why I told him he’s wrong.”

For a moment there, I was taken aback but slowly creeping in was the feeling of pride that my 7-year-old daughter had the intellectual capacity to notice that inconsistency, which did not even cross my mind until this very moment. My puckered lips slowly turned into a smirk. Then, a voice in my head reminded me, “Uhm, Mom, I think you should step in and intervene...give a little direction mommy-yo!”

Composing myself, I wiped off the smirk on my face while carefully crafting in my head an answer to the non-question that my beautiful daughter has posted. With the most mothers-knows-best air that I can muster, I told her, “First off, honey, it is impolite to tell your teacher the he or she is wrong. If you do not agree to what he’s saying, rather than telling him “You are wrong”, ask questions. Then, perhaps he can make you better understand if you give him the chance to explain.” Then I added, “And, oh honey, stick to what the teacher says or what’s written in your books. After all, those are the things that will come out in the exam. Ok? That was very brilliant of you to notice that. You make me proud.”

She gave me another kiss and a hug and switched on the TV to watch Totally Spies. I said to my self, “That’s right, watch cartoons. That’s what normal kids do and not analyzing religious semantics.”

As I Am by John Petrucci - Dream Theater

2008-12-04T00:12:00.000-08:00

Don't
Tell me what's in
Tell me how to write
Don't tell me how to win
This fight
Isn't your life
It isn't your right
To take the only thing that's
Mine

Proven over time
It's over your head
Don't try to read between the
Lines
Are clearly defined
Never lose sight of
Something you believe in
Takin' in the view from the outside
Feeling like the underdog
Watching through the window
I'm on the outsideLiving like the underdog

I've been trying to justify you
In the end I will just defy you
To those who understand,
I extend my hand
To the doubtful I demand,
take me as I amNot under your command,
I know where I stand
I won't change to fit your plan,

Take me as I am

To Blog or Not To Blog

2008-12-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

A month after my facebook status change from “In a relationship” to “Single”, I found myself alone in the living room missing those sleepless nights of cerebral debauchery and braingasmic conversations. Determined not to fall victim to the circumstance, I called up the handsomest guy in the most-likely-to-become-my-new-boyfriend roster. After the customary “hi”, “how you doing” and whatnot’s, we agreed that he come over for some late night movie-marathon. At the back of my mind, I was thinking, “Hhhmmm…a movie would be a good catalyst to a debate-ishdiscussion.”. The movie ended and I was sharing my insights in the hopes of reciprocation, but instead, in mid-sentence he interjected “Uhm…uh, what’s denouement?” (I’m pretty sure the spelling was botched up in his head). On his face was a genuine expression of utter cluelessness, which made me conclude this was not an attempt at humor. To make the long story short, the intellectual coupling I was hoping for, turned out to be intellectual wanking. (Have I mentioned the he’s uber handsome? He is one hot looker. I give him that).

At that instant, I decided that I will find me an avenue for my cognitive pursuits, exploits and wanderings. Blogging was the first answer that came to mind. With almost the same sinister bravado as Mr. Freeze (Schwarzenegger in Batman & Robin) proclaimed “Today Gotham City, tomorrow the world!” , I said to out loud, “I refuse to wank my brains dry and so, I shall BLOG!”

There are myriad reasons why people blog but mainly it all boils down to what I call the I-mentality - the need of every individual to be recognized as a unique entity; to speak and be in the spotlight; to be heard and evoke a reaction from another being. Much has been said, written and theorized about individualism, but at the end the day that primordial cosmic allurement that started it all continues to feed our need to belong, to relate and be understood by others like us.

And so, here I am, eager to bring forth my enthrallments and fancies, my temperaments and epiphanies, my comedies and tragedies into the vast ocean of the ATM cloud. For I too, feel the right to claim the world as my stage and perhaps through it find kindred souls. I want my silent screams of exhilaration, anger and bliss heard. I want to bore my readers-to-be with the mundane-routine reality that is my life so that they may feel better or assured about theirs. Or, to be able to preach the things that I subscribe to and be criticized for it …to be challenged. Most importantly, I will blog seeking the inescapable selfish need for affirmation – a shallow attitude that I refuse to abandon.

To blog or not to blog? To blog. I don’t see why not.